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Buzzed on Her Buzz: Review of Lana Del Rey’s Debut

When Lizzy Grant, born Elizabeth Woolridge Grant, released her first EP Kill Kill in October 2008, no1curr. Two years later, she released her first full-length album titled Lana Del Ray A.K.A. Lizzy Grant and still, no1curr. In October 2011, after an image change, name change and deal with Interscope and Polydor Records, everyone suddenly cared. The new and improved singer-songwriter created quite a buzz. Lana Del Rey released her first full-length album Born To Die in late January 2012.

A recent article on Wired titled “Why Being Sleepy and Drunk Are Great for Creativity” inspired The Spec.

Equipped with four bottles of champagne, orange juice, beautiful weather and the new album, we went to work. Read our review below…

Within the first twenty seconds of “Born to Die,” it’s obvious that Lana is completely confused by what she’s supposed to do. In her slurred, whisper-like, Chihuahua esque voice she begins, “Whaaat?” Lana Del Whaaat?

In “Off to the Races,” it sounds like Del Rey added washed-out Danity Kane and some Adderall. The song features “baby voice” and tries to be a club anthem, but falls on its schizophrenic face. Is her mating call, “kiss me on my open mouth”? If so, Matt accepts the challenge. Lana Del K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Keeping with the theme of death, in “Blue Jeans,” Del Rey explains how she is, “ride or die” and confesses, “I will love you till the end of time and “I will wait a million years.” This proves that the Mayans were wrong, and the end of time is in one million years. Good to know. Thanks, Del Rey. Lana Del Wizard.

Del Rey really shows off her rhyming skills in “Video Games,” but her pronunciation of “only” is sort of frightening, even in her sexy, I-have-a lot-of-prescription-drugs-in-my-system voice. Is it true? We never knew, “o-n-a-ly” was pronounced that way, but now we do. So it’s not two (syllables)? Thank you. Lana Del Wordsmith.

“You’re no good for me, but baby I want you,” she sings in “Diet Mountain Dew.” Is soda good for anyone? Mama still loves her soda though. The consensus is that we liked this song. Lana Del Neutrasweet.

Unlike the real “National Anthem,” we wouldn’t take our hats off to Del Rey’s sixth track “National Anthem.” We also wouldn’t give her a standing ovation because the way she says ovation (o-vay-shion) is weird. Lana Del Patriot.

Dark Paradise” sounds like the same paradise we heard in “Video Games.” Now that we think about it, all of these songs sound the same. Blah, blah heartbreak. Blah, blah death. Blah, blah video gaaaaaames. Lana Del Rerun.

We thought she was singing, “like a f*cking dream on Ritalin,” in “Radio,” but she was really saying “like a f*cking dream I’m living in.” Same diff? We disagree with Del Rey’s belief that cinnamon is sweet. Haven’t you seen the cinnamon challenge? Lana Del Prescriptions.

As far as “Carmen” goes:

Where in the Lana Del World is Carmen Sandiego?

Are we done listening to this broken record yet? “Million Dollar Man” tucked us in to the Lana Del Nap that happened shortly after we stopped listening to the album. Lana Del ZZZzzzZZZzzz…

Then there’s “Summertime Sadness” or rather, “sad-a-niss,” which we think is the same as sadness. Who is sad during the summer? It’s 120 degrees here and we’re still happy. Lana Del (~_~)

In “This Is What Makes Us Girls” she talks about “looking for a taste of real life.” This apparently involves drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon on ice. We don’t know what is more offensive: the way she says “Pabst” or the fact that she’s drinking PBR on ice. Lana Del SERIOUSLY?

In “Without You,” the first track of the three bonus songs, Lana communicates her desire to be a “China doll,” a piece of traditional Chinese art that’s made from glazed porcelain. Mmmm…glazed porcelain. Lana Del Doughnut.

Lolita” sees Del Rey ‘fessing up. She finally reveals what her lips are made of, and this is really good, guys. FRUIT PUNCH! Lana Del Kool-Aid.

Lucky Ones” seems to be the most optimistic of the tracks and it supports our belief that the album should be listened to from close to start. Lana Del “Whaaat?”

As a whole, the album sounds like Del Rey took a bunch of drugs and is waiting to die. It’s as if we’re watching her slowly settle into a death via overdose (modern-day Romeo & Juliet). And the reason she took the prescription drugs? Heartbreak. Typical.

Our journey began at 11 A.M., ended at 11 P.M. and involved too many mimosas, a three-hour-long floor nap and online video procrastination (the cinnamon challenge and 2 girls 1 cup).

Our rating on a 1-to-5 scale (one being “I’m not drunk enough for this” to five “this is the best thing since prescription drugs”):

2/5

 

One Comment

  1. Laughing my fuc*ing blue jeans off! Thoroughly enjoyed this post 🙂

    <3

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